Lost
September 28, 2014
I love this time of the year. Autumn has always been my favorite time of
the year. I love the trees painted and
lining the skyline with spectacular reds and yellows and oranges and browns and
greens. I love the coolness of the early morning air and the smell of winter in
the evening trying to break in to these beautiful sunny days. I tend to spend a lot more time outside this
time of year than any other. I also tend to find myself contemplating a whole
lot more.
This past week, I was grounded from all running to allow for
an injury to heal. I have found my
thoughts to be disorganized and scattered and panicked this week. It’s been challenging not to just go run a
couple miles to sort things out, I have really had to withdraw to a place within to try and listen. I’m at a cross roads in my life and I don’t
know what decision is best.
I took my youngest son and his friend to a nearby farm to
pick pumpkins and while we were there, we went into a corn maze. Generally corn mazes freak me out because I
can’t see around the corners and I feel closed in and trapped but they were excited and enthusiastic about it and I
was really enjoying my time with him so I figured it wouldn’t be so bad. Of course, we made all the wrong turns and
got lost in there for hours (it felt like that anyway) My son finally said after realizing we had
walked in yet another circle, “I keep making all the wrong choices. I’m frustrated. I need a map.”
Without thinking, I
just replied, “Yes, but we will end up finding the right turns eventually. The whole point is to get lost. Its supposed to be fun to get lost and make
the wrong turns.” And it was funny
because after I said it without thought, I heard it. Maybe I can’t screw life up. Maybe I’m
supposed to just have fun getting lost and not worry so much about all these
seemingly big decisions because eventually I will end up exactly where I am
going no matter which turn I take.
Then as they became more and more frustrated walking in
circles, the boys realized they could hear cars on the road and people in the
pumpkin patch and the hayride tractor driving around the corn maze. Eventually they stopped at an intersection
and said, “Let’s just stop and listen so we know which way we need to go.” I
agreed with their subtle wisdom and we stopped to orient ourselves and
understand where we stood.
Sometimes in life I forget to stop and just listen. I keep moving and going because it feels like
I’m doing something instead of nothing, but maybe sometimes I’d be doing a
whole lot more if I just stopped and listened and maybe all that doing I'm doing is really nothing but walking in circles.
Not too long after we stopped, we found the exit. Riley ran out threw his arms up in the air
and jumped, yelling, “I made it!” On the
walk back to the car he said, “You know, I wanted to finish the maze the
fastest but I’m kinda glad we ran in to all those people in there, it wasn’t as
scary knowing other people were in there too.”
As I drove home, I thought how that damn corn maze really
sorted things out with the help of one of the best little gifts of a boy I
could wish for. I’m going to get lost. I’m
going to make the wrong choices, but that’s the fun of it and I just need to
enjoy.... Enjoy all of it and all the people I run into along the way because they all do make it a
little less scary. I need to stop and listen when I get scared. Then eventually, I’ll make all the right turns, I’ll get
exactly where I am going, and I’ll throw
my arms up in the air and shout, “I made It!”
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