Lost



September 28, 2014

I love this time of the year.  Autumn has always been my favorite time of the year.  I love the trees painted and lining the skyline with spectacular reds and yellows and oranges and browns and greens. I love the coolness of the early morning air and the smell of winter in the evening trying to break in to these beautiful sunny days.  I tend to spend a lot more time outside this time of year than any other. I also tend to find myself contemplating a whole lot more. 

This past week, I was grounded from all running to allow for an injury to heal.  I have found my thoughts to be disorganized and scattered and panicked this week.  It’s been challenging not to just go run a couple miles to sort things out, I have really had to withdraw to a place  within to try and listen.  I’m at a cross roads in my life and I don’t know what decision is best.  

I took my youngest son and his friend to a nearby farm to pick pumpkins and while we were there, we went into a corn maze.   Generally corn mazes freak me out because I can’t see around the corners and I feel closed in and trapped but they  were excited and enthusiastic about it and I was really enjoying my time with him so I figured it wouldn’t be so bad.  Of course, we made all the wrong turns and got lost in there for hours (it felt like that anyway)  My son finally said after realizing we had walked in yet another circle, “I keep making all the wrong choices.  I’m frustrated. I need a map.” 

 Without thinking, I just replied, “Yes, but we will end up finding the right turns eventually.  The whole point is to get lost.  Its supposed to be fun to get lost and make the wrong turns.”  And it was funny because after I said it without thought, I heard it.  Maybe I can’t screw life up. Maybe I’m supposed to just have fun getting lost and not worry so much about all these seemingly big decisions because eventually I will end up exactly where I am going no matter which turn I take.  

Then as they became more and more frustrated walking in circles, the boys realized they could hear cars on the road and people in the pumpkin patch and the hayride tractor driving around the corn maze.  Eventually they stopped at an intersection and said, “Let’s just stop and listen so we know which way we need to go.” I agreed with their subtle wisdom and we stopped to orient ourselves and understand where we stood.

Sometimes in life I forget to stop and just listen.  I keep moving and going because it feels like I’m doing something instead of nothing, but maybe sometimes I’d be doing a whole lot more if I just stopped and listened and maybe all that doing I'm doing is really nothing but walking in circles.

Not too long after we stopped, we found the exit.  Riley ran out threw his arms up in the air and jumped, yelling, “I made it!”  On the walk back to the car he said, “You know, I wanted to finish the maze the fastest but I’m kinda glad we ran in to all those people in there, it wasn’t as scary knowing other people were in there too.” 

As I drove home, I thought how that damn corn maze really sorted things out with the help of one of the best little gifts of a boy I could wish for.  I’m going to get lost. I’m going to make the wrong choices, but that’s the fun of it and I just need to enjoy.... Enjoy all of it and all the people I run into along the way because they all do make it a little less scary. I need to stop and listen when I get scared. Then eventually, I’ll make all the right turns, I’ll get exactly where I am going,  and I’ll throw my arms up in the air and shout, “I made It!”

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