Pebbles and Rocks
October 18, 2014
Before I truly begin I want to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who read this blog
and share it. I started this blog almost
a year ago, brimming over with ideas I hoped would inspire and give strength to
others and maybe even make a little sense out of my own journey in the process.
I caution myself against getting too
personal, putting too much out there or coming off as pretentious or
arrogant. But a friend and reader
offered me some constructive criticism and said, “Write more often.” I shared
with her my fears of being repetitive and sharing too much, “I want what I
write to matter. It needs to mean something.”
“It does. Just write
more.” So it is in gratitude to all my
readers that I continue on this journey with a new commitment to post more
frequently than I have and continue to be as human and authentic in what I
share in the hopes that it touches your heart.
Pebbles and Rocks
One of the reasons for my hiatus is simply time. There is not a lot of unused or unscheduled
minutes as a single mom raising four boys.
There is always somewhere to go to or pick up from. Some days I finally get home and I feel like
I completed a marathon. The day to day,
it’s the doctor appointments, grocery shopping, sport practices, errands, afterschool
activities, teaching CCD, these are my miles and every single one of them is
for my boys. I would not trade out a single mile for more time. One of my lessons in life, I believe has
been to look at all the ways the world around me demands my time and then
decide what is best for me and for my boys.
I am a people pleaser and it is only recently I’ve grown strong and
confident enough to stand up for myself and claim my miles.
Last year during my marathon training I gave a great deal of
thought to whom I would dedicate my 26.2 miles.
My son Aidan, whose life gave me so much joy and love and inspired me to
become who I am today. Or my father who was suffering with stage IV lymphoma
whom always pushed me to work a little harder, my very first coach. Or the 26
victims of Sandy Hook, one mile to reflect on each life. Then there was the
Boston Marathon bombing, I should dedicate my miles to these runners who can no
longer run. I thought of splitting my
marathon miles into four categories to give all these miles away. But I could not quite make the commitment to
do so. I showed up on race day still
unsure of this. I was at mile 6 before I
decided to do something perhaps a little selfish. I gave the miles to myself. I had faced enormous obstacles to be there
and today was my reward, those 26.2 miles were meant for me that day and on
that day, I took every inch of those miles in thanks and celebration for whom I
had become on those long lonely training runs.
On that day, I learned I cannot keep giving away without
taking a little back. My boys need for
me to take for myself. I cannot give
everything away every day because eventually the well runs dry and there is
nothing left to be given, I never want to be that person with nothing left to
give the world.
So, how do I remain true to my nature to give, while taking
care to also give to myself? It is truly
a challenge and some days I’m not so good at it. But I often think of the following analogy a
professor of mine once had us complete.
I’ve since seen several versions of this same analogy but I will share
the hands on one she gave.
She
handed each of us a small jar filled with rocks. “Open your jars and dump out your rocks.” The
class complied. “Now put the rocks back
in the jar.” The class chuckled and got
to work but not too long after frustration began to take over, the rocks that
were in the jar, were not fitting back so easily into that same jar. I knew there was a way. Those who know me, know I don’t believe in
impossible. The trick was to put the
largest rock in first and then the bigger rocks, then the smaller pebbles.
That lesson stuck with me and I apply it to my life
everyday. My biggest rocks, myself and my children,
they come first, the bigger rocks, food, clothing, shelter, health and fitness,
siblings, parents, family, then I’ve got
some big rocks, friends, work, then everything else is pebbles, things like the
tags on my clothes or the “stuff”. The stuff we begin to believe we need and make
incredible sacrifices for. The stuff that fills the spaces in our homes,
crowding us in and consumes us. I was
blessed to be forced to lose everything. I was given a very clear outlook on
what I truly need in my life. There are
days I could and sometimes am tempted to fill up my jar with pebbles but then
my rocks won’t fit. And I’m not willing
to give up my rocks, my miles. I was blessed because the pebbles washed away
but that rocks remained.
I use this lesson every time I become overwhelmed in
life. This lesson can be applied to so
many aspects of life from what you spend your money on, to whom you spend your
time with, to how you spend your time.
What are your rocks? If your
world flipped upside down, what pebbles would wash away? What rocks would remain?
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