Believe....

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Christmas is past.  It is over. And now we move on towards a new year. 

In cleaning up the living room before leaving for my parents’ house yesterday, I decided to just start cleaning up Christmas, all of it, including the tree.  I cannot really fully explain why, but when Christmas is over, I need the tree to come down.

 Yesterday as I was starting to leave my home to drive to my parents’ home I suddenly and with conviction, decided to stop and go back inside my house, change into my running clothes and sneakers, and go for a quick run.  It was unseasonably warm in Connecticut yesterday and the sun was shining, making it feel more like an early spring day than a cold winter morning. 

It had been a while since I’d gone out for a run and this morning was especially quiet.  I fell back in love quickly with the rhythm of my sneakers hitting the ground and my breathing in and out.  I felt free, free of all the holiday stress, free of the less than healthy holiday celebrations of the past few weeks, and free of the weights, the worries, the unknowing.  My tendency is to hold on tight and chase after what I desire, to seek immediate answers to what I am unsure of, but I have learned this simply doesn’t work for me.  I know I have to trust everything has its own time. 

I will never tire of the way a quiet run strips all the excess and reconnects my heart and soul to who I really am.  I need to remain grateful in these moments.  Grateful for all I have, grateful that although it might not all be the way I want it or think it should be, there is a much better plan than mine.  I must believe in what I cannot always see and have faith in what doesn’t always make sense to me. 

And then it occurred to me that is what Christmas to a child is, believing a man in a red suit flies in the sky and slides down chimneys around the world, leaving gifts for good boys and girls.  Children are fascinated by the magic and wonder of this, but maybe life can be just as fascinating, magical, and wonderful, if I just trust and have faith, instead of trying to construct and make logic out of what is beyond our control. If I can just stop worrying about what comes next and enjoy what is, trusting that what comes next is better than what I have even imagined for myself.  Maybe, I just need to let go and believe.  On these quiet runs, that seems much more possible than during the rush and chaos of the days.  So my quiet prayer in my heart yesterday was to hold onto a little bit of that Christmas magic, this quiet run,  and even when it doesn’t make any sense to me and even when it sucks, to have faith, trust, and just believe….

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