The Journey To Enjoying The Ride

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Almost seven years ago, I packed up my kids, some suitcases, and loaded up a couple friend’s pick up trucks and left my the home I planned to grow old in and raise my children in. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, just kept going forward for the first time in a very long time without looking back at what was. I kept moving forward, only occasionally looking over my shoulder. Sometimes moving forward felt like climbing a steep hill with a boulder on my back, sometimes it was so hard all I could do was fight to breath and cry until my eyes were red and swollen. But I kept moving forward. I had pretty much nothing except my determination to give my kids the best home and education possible.


What I look back on today is how this journey brought me to today, in a successful position in my career, a homeowner, and mom to some really great young men. At the beginning I was so broken and shattered I didn’t know which way to go.I had nothing. I went out a lot, determined to not drown in my misery and then I sought out the hardest thing I could find, a tough mudder. Doing that led me to meeting a friend who led me to his wife who became one of my closest friends, who in turn led me to crossfit, where in turn, I learned that you can fail and still be strong, in fact you can’t get stronger unless you are willing to take the risk and fall on your butt a few times. It also taught me to just have fun and stop taking life so seriously. Those lessons in turn gave me the courage, and I believe shifted my story, my mental mapping, and my fear of failure, allowing me to take a risk in my career and try something new. Which then in turn put me in the perfect position to be able to take one more risk and finally buy my own home again. I worried for two months the bank wouldn't give me my mortgage even though I knew I could easily afford it now because I was a on my own,  and I realized that story of rejection and not being good enough still lingers and fights for power inside my head to be stronger, but it isn’t true anymore and it never really was.


I believe what I notice most, is that seven years ago, I never imagined that these past seven years would look this way. I had no idea about the hows, I just kept moving forward, releasing the dead weight that tried to drag me back, over the bumps, up the hills, around the corners, through the darkness, and somehow I got here. I have no clue what lies ahead but I do know, I have never been so ready for the journey as I am today, full of hope, strength, courage, and the freedom to not have it al figured out and to just let go and enjoy the ride wherever it takes me next.

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