Life Map

It’s that time again for me. Another son 18 years old and graduating high school with plans and dreams all his own.  He marches to the beat of his own drum and it’s something that I am proud of to see in him.  He’s going against the grain, not going to college and pursuing a career as a carpenter.  Of course, I worry, it’s scary to watch your child take off on the unbeaten path, but I also know that great people travel those roads less traveled and that’s where they forge their greatness.  From here, it is his life, and I must trust I gave him the tools to trust his heart and follow his dreams. It's time for me to give him room to live his life his way.

These moments in life always inspire in me what I hope my boys learned from me and hope they can use what I have learned as a guide, a life map perhaps from the trail I blazed:

This can be a cruel and unfair world but kindness abounds in every moment, in every corner, it’s your choice to see it or not.  Seek kindness.  When you are kind, you will live in a kind world.  

Right and wrong is not yours to judge.  If something bothers you, excuse yourself quietly, smile, and walk a way. Showing compassion towards someone you believed wronged you is one of the greatest powers you have, use it wisely and generously.

Never speak politics at parties.  There’s a reason polls are private.  You are entitled to your opinion but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to agree with you.  Be respectful and open to truly listening to others.

People you care about will break your heart.  Life will break your heart.  You will lose sometimes.  But you must always trust it’s all working out for you even on the days it’s falling apart.  Trust you are so intentional in this world and every person your life weaves intricately with, is intentional as well., sometimes they are there to teach you and sometimes you are there to help them.  What’s meant to be will always find it’s way, let go and trust.

Always make time for your family, no matter what shape your family takes over the years.  Despite the knock down drag out fights over pokemon cards, beyblades, skateboards, and footballs, your brothers will always be your very best friends.  Don’t underestimate the importance of those relationships.  Brothers First. 

Sometimes life sucks - it just does.    If you need to, stay in bed all day.  Give yourself one day to feel badly, but promise yourself, that very next day, both feet will hit the floor one step at a time, excited for what life will bring next, because, again, it’s always working out for you in the best way possible.  But you must be part of life for that to happen, so never shut yourself off from new possibilities just outside the door just because yesterday was a bad day. Eventually you will see those bad days and the bad things that happened, were your gifts in life.  

Money is important because it allows you to pay your bills and keeps you fed.  Be wise.  Be realistic.  Know the difference between want and need.  “Enough is as good as a feast.” It was my favorite line from Mary Poppins when I was younger and I use to say it all the time as a child, unaware of it’s real meaning. As an adult I think that saying entered my mind in some of our toughest moments and got us through some of our hardest days.

Follow your dreams and do what you love because success takes hard work and lots of hours so you want to enjoy it.  And it’s okay to have bad days doing something you love, those days teach you how to do it better the next day.  Don’t get so lost in career though, that you lose sight of life. Take time to sit outside, listen to birds, sit at the beach watch the waves roll in, lie down on your back after sunset and watch the stars turn on, count them until you’ve forgotten all your troubles, and know that life is a beautiful gift exactly the way it is.

I saw a post a few weeks ago about how as a child the only thing to worry about was the amount of hair gel to use.  I got to thinking about that and the truth is, there is absolutely nothing more important than hair gel to ever worry about.  Remember, it’s all working out for you, there is always a better plan than yours, have faith.

Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and bring you joy.  Laughter does amazing things for broken hearts and souls. Give love and laughter to the world and the world will give it back. 

Pay attention to the conversations that you chose to surround yourself with.  Choose to be part of conversations that are fun and productive, conversations about people that are not present are gossip and toxic - walk away from these and if you can’t, walk away in that moment, do not participate in the conversation. If you must speak of another, in their absence, speak only of the things you find positive in them.

Know you will make mistakes.  We all do.  Take responsibility for what you did wrong, correct it as best you can, and move on.  You cannot live in the moment if you trap yourself in past mistakes.  And don’t let others hold you prisoner to those mistakes. If you owe an apology for your words or actions, be simple and sincere and do not justify your mistake with excuses, and try your best not to repeat the mistake. Forgive yourself and remember there is a bigger and better plan than yours at work so don’t be so hard on yourself when you slip, that’s probably part of the plan too.

People may hurt you too when they make mistakes.  Forgive them even if they never apologize.    Anger and resentment our poison, let it go. There is an incredible strength in standing your ground, forgiving, and never engaging.  Understand and show compassion.  Usually when people hurt us it is a reflection of the pain that hurts them so deeply. Don’t take ownership of fixing them, that’s not your job, just quietly understand.

Go to church or temple or the ocean or the middle of the wood and just listen.  

With every single situation, it is about perspective.  No one is standing in your shoes seeing what you see and neither are you seeing what they see.  The beauty of this is you can move, see it differently than your first glance.  Always choose to look at things in as many ways as possible to get close to understanding. But understand you are not seeing what someone else sees, respect their perspective.

When life is hard, drink more water, choose healthy food, don’t create more problems by punishing your body and breaking it down.

Turn on happy music, our home has always been filled with music for good reason, it changes the energy of whatever was going on - Dance! Laugh! Move your body - it works!

If all else fails, put your phone down, put on a pair of sneakers, take a walk outside.  One foot in front of the other.  Then start to jog, just a little, maybe just down the street, then push yourself a little, run, run as fast as you can. Feel the air, breathe in the newness life offers everyday.  There is no greater way to connect to  the heart of your soul than sweating and moving your body.

You have two choices everyday, to get up and be happy and excited for what is coming next  and live life or to get up be bitter about what happened yesterday, and exist through life.  I’m convinced if we could find laughter in the some of the darkest moments of our lives where we found laughter, that happiness is truly your choice.