Will To Win

A couple weeks ago the temperature dropped so low, even as an avid outdoor runner, I felt it wasn’t safe to run outside, so when I got the invitation to run one morning indoors, after way too many days of not running and skipping workouts, telling myself I’d run after work when it was warmer, I knew I’d have to at least give it a try. 

We run on these running machines similar to treadmills, but they are self propelled.  The first time I tried one, I thought I’d fall off of it, it was uncomfortable, but I’ve learned a little better how to use it now, well enough to run for a little bit. And this running partner, probably one of my favorites, because we run and that’s it, no  big conversations about this or that just simply facing the same direction forward and moving in place, the noise between us just the rhythm of breathing, the sound of the running machines, and whatever song happens to be playing on the music system in the gym.  The first run, I slept in, and was late and then it took me 10 minutes just to get started. I just got moving,  I felt like I’d been running forever staring at the giant CF at the end of the room, I looked at the clock on my screen and it had been only 5 minutes.  I had to find a way to have fun with this I realized.  I have goals this year that I’ve decided to keep close because they aren’t intended to impress anyone or earn any respect or win any accolades or  prizes, they’re just for me.  So I began to focus on my goals and dream of more, the time was going a little faster but I found myself eventually counting minutes until I could reasonably get off and get ready to workout without bailing too early.   Eventually the clock hit the 30 minutes I wanted to get in. 

Later that day, I realized I felt better than I had in quite a few weeks, like I was getting ready to come back to life again after being in a little bit of a slump. “Maybe”, I realized, “there is truly nothing like running to sort out life for me whether it’s inside or outside.” So I decided the next indoor run, I’d pay a little more attention to that as opposed to resisting the shift in weather and routine.

The  next 5am run   I was there 5 minutes early, I couldn’t wait to get moving that day.  I hadn’t felt enthusiastic like that in a while and I was enjoying that feeling.  Somewhere on that first run running in place, I started having fun and feeling good, I didn’t go anywhere, but I finished that first run a little different than the way I started so I could hardly wait to see where I’d go today.  I started running and thinking about this article my friend sent me about his HS pitching days and being described as having, “an immeasurable will to win.”  The article seemed to say to look at him, he wasn’t all that impressive, but he had something more important, a will to win. He’s still got it, and it’s something I truly admire and respect.  To me, a will to win is priceless, it’s something within, it’s the story we tell ourselves, it’s deciding that what “THEY” say doesn’t matter, it’s believing in yourself, its having faith without reason. It’s putting in the work that needs to be done, while staying positive and not complaining. It’s being willing to change your story when you start beating up on yourself and your mistakes.  It’s believing something no one else believes with conviction it’s understanding we are human and perfectly imperfect and that’s just part of the journey.  I like to think I’ve got that will to win in life, I can think of a few times, I just decided I wouldn’t become this or that based on my circumstances, and I’m convinced, that decision and belief and will is how I rose above the challenges I faced.  Maybe a will to win, in many ways, is simply humble confidence.

But there’s more to it, the will to win requires the willingness to put in the time to do the work to get there.  Had he just had a will to win with no work ethic and stood on the pitchers mound and not thrown a single ball, his will to win would have no value or at least no visible outcome.  But that’s not what happened, he did the work, he went to practice, he trained so when his will to win stepped up to that mound, combined with the focus, time, and work he was unstoppable.  That’s pretty much what life asks of us, decide your story, change it if you have to, just believe, focus, time, and do the training or the work, and have fun, the rest will just come to you and you’ll eventually be unstoppable.

Most days I go into the gym, I go in and want to do my very best time and I do want to win.  I definitely have a fierce competitive streak in me. But there’s also days, I don’t feel that will to win, I simply feel a will to finish. Some days I’m just moving to keep going forward and maybe that’s okay too, maybe that’s part of the work, to allow those not so good days to happen but keep moving through them anyway and finish what we start so that when the good days come, the will to win is all that shines.

As I ran that second run, not being able to see any of the numbers really well on the screen except for the time  with my 40 year old eyes, I began to just find myself in a nice easy run, just running to get in a few extra minutes than I did the other day.  I began to play with trying to see and focus on  the smaller numbers on the screen and make them move as I changed my pace.  I simply made a game of it and all of a sudden I realized, I wasn’t just getting through the run on this machine, I was really having fun making it a game.  Then it occurred to me, it’s really that simple isn’t it?  Life.  It’s just for the fun of the game  when you don’t take it too seriously and just enjoy it no matter if you’re running inside or outside or uphill or downhill and just finding your immeasurable will to win in whatever winning is to you.