Just Breathe

 I have not been running much.  I just could not seem to motivate myself on those cold dreary winter mornings to tie up my laces and head outside alone.  I would tell myself , I’ll go later, then later would come and I had a million reasons AKA excuses not to go.  My laziness gave way to my anxiety and little by little, I was sleeping later and later, not feeling well, not making great food choices and not feeling well on a nearly daily basis.  I got done what needed getting done, but I stopped really caring about myself.  I would sneak in some walks and some youtube yoga to move a little bit and breathe but it wasn’t enough for me.  It helped me move some of that stagnant winter energy to get done the things I needed to but I needed more  - I just couldn’t motivate myself. 

 

A few weeks ago, I had enough of my excuses and finally reached out to join a new gym.  I went in saying I’ll just try a class but I also knew I was not leaving without a membership.  I needed the coaching and the people.  The first week I made it in a few days, the next a few more, including a couple early mornings which I used to love so much.  Now I am almost exclusively there by 5:25 am every morning.  I realized this morning how great I am feeling again, how much I love to take that first breath in the morning when I step outside.  Just moving, moving and doing challenging things with others, it just feels good.  

 

It was definitely humbling to be back in a gym and a little out of shape.  I’m starting over in many ways and at first it just felt frustrating but as I caught myself scolding myself for my laziness I changed and thanked myself for making the decision to show up and challenge myself again, to be grateful to get to take the journey of progress and improvement again, because ultimately the most fun and joy are found in the journey.  The difference between the me six weeks ago and the me today is drastic, I feel so much better, I’m re-focused on nutrition and the meals that just feel good, and my energy feels better.  

 

One of my biggest challenges in the gym remains my left arm.  Under tension of dumbbells the remnants of my stroke 16 years ago are pretty prevalent, especially with the decreased strength from inactivity.   I am starting to see some progress though, getting back a little strength and I thought today as I saw my arm not doing what I wanted it to, “This is so hard.” But then I realized that putting my body through these hard things, pushing through, increasing the intensity, it all adds up to training my brain to do hard things in life outside the gym too and not quit.  

 

This past year, I started a brand new career.  Some days are really challenging for me and I feel like a fake, I miss the years I put into my old career and the expertise I had gained through my experiences in that career.  But again, it’s the journey of progress that motivates me, the growth I will forever chase in my life.  I want to learn and grow in this career, put in the effort, do the hard things, and earn the comfort only years of experience bring.  

 

I guess I realized today, it’s all connected.  What I physically do in the gym mirrors my new career with all the growing pains and challenges.  From being brave enough to show up and make a change, to doing the hard stuff, pushing through, growing, taking it as it comes, breathing when I need to catch my breath, being efficient.  

 

I had a coach once who used to say quite frequently, “Control your breath, control your workout.”  In my work as a therapist, one of the things I have educated and taught the most to patients over the years was how to breathe, to remember to breathe.   It’s funny because it is so automatic we rarely take time to focus on it, but when we do, it literally gives new life to almost anything. I think about my breath now a lot in all I do, whether I’m running, working out, working, looking at a calendar full of meetings and things-to-do, or just juggling all the daily challenges life throws at me…. Control my breath – breathe  - don’t panic – just breathe – be grateful for the growth - everything is ok.