Prayer, Patience, Perseverance, Peace

May 2, 2014

It’s May, It’s finally May!  April truly wanted to get in the last of her showers this week though and with only a couple of weeks before the Brooklyn Half, I really had no choice but to get out and run rain or shine.  I usually love running in the rain, in the summer, but I was dreading running in the cold rain.  I did it though and of all the weeks I needed a run in the rain, this was it.

Combining a run with rain is simply cathartic, it washes away all the stuff, and clears my mind.  As I was getting ready for my run, I received a text from my mother, “Dad is cancer free.” A year ago everything was so touch and go and as a family, we clung to strands of hope, but I had my doubts, it didn’t look good.  I mentally prepared myself for the loss and treasured every hug and every minute I could squeeze in.  My dad has always told me, I can do anything in life with three Ps; prayer, patience, perseverance.    

As I set out on the run I’d been dreading all day, I just kept repeating my father’s words in my head allowing them to become my cadence and give rhythm to my stride: prayer, patience, perseverance, prayer, patience, perseverance.   I began to run up the hill, a couple years ago, I could only make it half way up before I needed to walk, and as I passed the street sign that I usually gave up at, I was still feeling strong, prayer, patience, perseverance, I kept on until I reached the top, I glanced at the clock and I maintained my pace the whole hill, that was a first for me, I usually slow down running uphill. 

I kept running down the street.  I love the view of the Long Island Sound below me from this street, even in the cold rain, it is a breathtaking view and I knew it would keep me motivated to keep going.  I began to break down, prayer, patience, perseverance and how intimately it parallels long distance running and life. 

Prayer:  for too many years of my life, I thought of prayer formally, a part of organized religion.  It is only in recent years, I’ve come to see, prayer is the heart’s desire, the heart’s wish, it’s a goal from our spirit, not religion.  Maybe it’s a goal to cross a starting line and/or finish line.  But our wishes, our desires don’t always come true.  We don’t always meet our goals when we set them.  But then what?  What is it I want to do when I don’t get what I want or things don’t turn out the way I want?  I want to quit, give up and make excuses for why I wasn’t deserving of such wonderful wishes and desires, but I move on…..

Patience:  And here is where I build my strength and resolve.  It is here in Patience that I add the weights and begin to break down the walls because sometimes, the answer is no, sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes the answer is not yet.  This is the training place, this is where I prepare, while keeping my prayer true and at the center of my heart, not giving up.  I prepare for all possibilities, up hills, down hills, uneven surfaces, warm weather, cold weather, sunny days, rainy days.   This is where I find myself most challenged.  I want answers now and I don’t want to wait.  I want to not need to run in the cold rain and still run a decent half in two weeks, but I know I must and I accept this place of growth.

Perseverance: There are so many reasons not to.  I can’t run because I had a stroke.   I can’t run because I have asthma. I can’t run because I have no time, I have to take care of four kids, go to the grocery store, make dinner, make breakfast, go to work, pick up the dry cleaning, meetings…. I can’t run because since I lost my son, I’d rather just be done with all of this and the pain is just too heavy.  I can’t run because I might get hurt.  I can’t run because I might not finish.  But for all those reasons I can’t, I do. This is where the walls come down.  When I do those can’ts lose their power in my life.  When I do I define my life instead of circumstances defining my life.  I become my own north and I can trust where I am going and that I will get there in exactly the right time. And nothing and no one can knock me off from this place.  It is here in perseverance I learn to trust my prayer, my heart, and my spirit.

Anyone who has ever attempted any kind of race, 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon, it takes perseverance to reach the finish line.  The miles get hard, the hills get steep, and sometimes it’s way too hot or way too cold to breath decently and it’s one foot in front of the other, that’s it…..And the finish lines get crossed with perseverance!

As I come up on the turn to head home, I’m feeling new in this rain and decide to just keep going, one more mile.  It’s peace, I realize.  Peace.  I need to add one more P word to my dad’s lesson.  It is through prayer, patience, perseverance, I’ve found peace in this crazy chaotic world. I come up on the last maybe 100 meters and decide to give it all I’ve got left tonight,  I break my steady cadence of prayer, patience, perseverance, and  I sprint up the street and I can almost hear my dad, yelling like a whisper in the rain, “Go Bridget, Go!” the way he did at the finish line of my very first race when I was in second grade.

And there at the quiet finish line of my driveway,soaking wet and out of breath, I find everything I need,  it's all there, prayer, patience, perseverance, and peace.