A Run with Lemony Snicket



May 18, 2014
A Run with Lemony Snicket

The past couple weeks have been a series of challenges, challenges I neither expected or was prepared for.  These challenges left me just short of paralyzed in fear and angst.   I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t distract myself in a book, I couldn’t clean, I barely managed to keep the boys on schedule and  produce three meals for our family of 5 each day, and laundry, well you can imagine what that looked like.  And running, training for the half marathon, well, it just didn’t happen.

The Saturday night before mother’s day, I was feeling as low and defeated as I’ve felt in a long long time.  The life I had rebuilt from nothing for my boys and myself was hanging on the precipice of a cliff along with my job.  I was terrified. I searched for the lessons in the challenges as the weights continued to increase. “I don’t want to be stronger,” I screamed inside.  I sat in bed sipping my tea that evening  and  recalled a quote from Lemony Snicket:

“ At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place but believe that there is much more good in it than bad.  All you have to do is look hard enough.  and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

I decided when I woke up on mother’s day, I would begin rebuilding another new life, even though I had no idea what that would look like and stop feeling sorry for myself.  I would also not just accept these defeats.  I was going to stand up and use my voice and ask for help.  I was going to take this series of unfortunate events and turn them into the stepping stones to my new journey.

  Over the next few days, remaining centered in my truth and speaking from my heart, my series of unfortunate events began to resolve one by one and when I could finally surface from the suffocation, I saw all the people supporting me I couldn’t see when I was in my lowest and loneliest places, but they were always there and as the events resolved, they were still there cheering.

And then the lesson?  Well, the lesson is I finally stood up and fought for what was right along with trusting the universe to sort things out instead of just simply allowing what was wrong to go on, claiming helplessness to what is meant to be.  I was fighting, prepared to let go and move on, but first to fight for what was right. And I asked for help when the weight got to be too heavy for me to hold.

I looked around my house about mid week, and noticed it was in shambles, all the the chaos brewing inside of me had manifested into a very cluttered and chaotic home.  I began to sort, reorganize, throw away, and clean.

And then there was the Brooklyn Half, now only a couple days away.  It was too close to squeeze in one last long training run and I knew I wasn’t really prepared to cover that distance.  I had worked out, but for the past couple weeks, I would find myself getting winded and fatigued easily and not really capable of doing my best.  I hadn’t run at all over the past couple of weeks and I knew my knees would likely pay a high price.  But I needed a long run to shake loose all the last bits of negative energy that remained from the past couple of weeks. 

The race day was perfect, a runner can’t possibly ask for more beautiful weather.  The first half of the race, I felt strong, I moved along steadily. About 8 miles in, doubt began to try to tell me I couldn’t do this today, and my knees agreed. My series of unfortunate events had paralyzed my training and now I was here letting them slow me down.  I switched gears in my head, I’ll be stronger when I finish and I moved on, using those unfortunate events as stepping stones.  Mile 12 was in my line of vision, only a mile, my feet took on a life of their own and pushed hard for the finish line, we funneled in to the ramp of the Coney Island Boardwalk and my pace was halted as hundreds of runners squeezed through jogging up the entrance ramp.  I got up to the boardwalk and it opened up.  I put it all on the table and began taking off for the last 200 meters, giving every last bit of what I had to this race.  The sand slipped under my sneakers and for a moment, I thought, “slow down so you don’t fall,” more doubt trying to stop me so close to the finish line. But I dug deeper and pushed harder and shook loose the last remaining bits of negativity from those unfortunate events.  I had earned these miles, and  I had earned this finish line today.  I knew I probably wasn’t going to do a personal best, simply because I hadn’t done that work but I never stopped trying to get there. And as I dug deeper and deeper, I knew, I did give my best and I finished strong.   My series of unfortunate events fueled me and brought me to a finish line in a very exciting place.  I appreciate and am grateful for the journey. At the stunning ocean front finish line of Coney Island, I can now see clearly again, it really all is a beautiful journey.

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