Snowflakes and Butterflies

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Today is Aidan's 10th birthday. This is the 6th year we have celebrated him without him physically being present. I'd be lying to say it gets any easier but I wouldn't trade a moment of it.  Over the years we've celebrated with hundreds, then dozens, then a handful, and now, it's just the 5 of us, the boys and I. I like our celebrations. A choice to say thank you for the joy his life gave us and celebrate the love he shared. A choice to smile more than cry today because Aidan always worried when anyone cried. A choice to stand and move forward in life instead of stopping.


I thought of Aidan all day today, in all I did.  I pushed through a workout which challenged me today and I wasn't expecting to be quite so challenged. I knew it would end once I completed all the rounds so I pushed through that urge to stop, to quit. I chose to work a little harder to finish what I started. I realized today I learned this from Aidan, watching him struggle just to breathe but always choosing moving forward as a child in the best way he could and always with a smile and a "tank you!"And he did it all with joy and passion and love! Aidan wasn't perfect, he was perfectly imperfect and so happy to be who he was.

I wonder a lot, what would he be like today? What would he look like, how tall would he be? Would he still be such a sweet boy or more of that sweet impish side not too many ever saw.? But who he is today, is a presence when I need a little more to not quit, he is the presence that reminds me to love first and to choose love, choose joy even on the days I really don't want to. He is the presence, the moment, that tells me to trust that there's a better plan than mine and it will all be okay even when nothing makes any sense at all. And I couldn't be prouder of who he has become or love him more!

I got to thinking of the gifts, the symbols Aidan left here for us, snowflakes and butterflies. Each in their own way magical and beautiful. But something I realized today, that I never did before, one falls gently from the Heavens, the other flies gracefully towards. I love the thought of how almost perfect that is. And just like Aidan, magical, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect!


Happy Birthday my sweet boy and thank you for filling my world with snowflakes and butterflies, may others see the faith, hope, joy, and love in the most perfectly imperfect moments of life  too!

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