Prepared For Yes!

I ran yesterday for the first time in a while, running more than a mile.  As the group I was running with prepared by setting their playlists, I explained, I never run with music, I love just hearing my breathe and my thoughts, “ I solve a lot of problems when I run without music,” I replied to the “You NEVER run with music?” 

I had just finished a workout in which I had really given everything I had and when asked if I wanted to run, my instinct was to say no, as all those familiar doubts and excuses ran through my head quickly; you’re too tired to run 3 miles, you’re not fast enough, bottom line, you’re not good enough to run with this group, get out of this now.  But instead I said, “sure, sounds fun” because the truth is it did sound fun and I promised myself this year would be the year of yes.  

The year of saying yes.  Saying yes not in the way of being a doormat but saying yes to new adventures, trying new things, and saying yes especially when all those doubts and lies start to tell me I can’t and I’m not good enough.  I help people all day and one of the things I often say to them is “change your story, tell yourself something different until you believe it.”  That’s what saying yes is to me, changing my story without changing the soul of who I am.  

So far saying yes has brought me to new places, opened new doors, brought new friends, new experiences, and a lot more fun.  As we started the run I felt good, stronger than I expected to feel.  I realized I’m grateful, so grateful to be able to run, to be able to breathe, and move my body in this way.  I am so grateful for this world of fitness I’ve found myself in.  I kept running down the many things in my life I am so grateful for as I soaked in this  perfect morning run.  

It was a new loop for me so I was unfamiliar with where I was going but I tried to keep up with my people and not fall too far behind, we came to an incline and l love hills, so I felt myself do what I love and move into the hill full of gratitude and  thankful for the challenge and I moved easily up the hill.  It wasn’t  too long after I felt the group pace increasing beyond what I think my body was capable of in that moment.  I pushed and started to doubt, yelling at myself, trying to push myself.  It hit me, it got hard and then, just staying in that spirit of gratitude became a challenge to find again. Instead of noticing the blue skies and perfect weather, I became aware of the loud and smelly cars and the litter strewn along the side of the road.    I could hear the doubts and excuses sneaking their way back in and I kept moving through and beyond those stories of doubt and fear, because they just don’t count anymore.  

I began to wonder; How often do I allow my doubts to slow me down or stop me?  Can I stay grateful when times are tough and not just when it’s easy?      

I pushed myself to find my pace, where I felt good and let go of trying to keep up. I’d get there and if keeping up is my goal, I’ll run more.  But for that moment, my goal was to enjoy the ride.  I started to think about the post I intended to write this week about planning and preparing.  Realizing I was living it.  I hadn’t planned on running today, but I was prepared to, always keeping my running sneakers in my gym bag.

Planning seems, to me, to come with expectancy, preparing is just being ready to go with whatever direction the universe points you in.  Planning can feel like obligation.  A couple years ago I stopped RSVPing to things in the summer after watching an entire summer fly by without having done many things I wanted to because I had committed to so many plans.  I began to tell people why I didn’t want to RSVP, and surprisingly it was met with more understanding than I expected.

As a mom of 5 young boys, I often had to plan just to get through the day and get everyone where they needed to be.  Often even with the “plan” I still couldn’t get it all done.  The plan gave me a false sense of being in control and an unrealistic expectation of what I should get done in 24 hours, and when I failed to get it all done, I’d feel like a failure as a mom,  when, in truth, the whole time, life was just trying to teach me to plan less and live more.

I find this planning and preparing to reflect itself in my career as well.  The days I make treatment plans for my clients seem to be the days that they either cancel their appointment or something else changes that does not allow me to go through with my plan.  I always feel a little discouraged when this happens, having taken the time to plan and finding it was wasted time.  But when I simply prepare for work, and prepare for my clients with a loose plan or guideline of what I want to accomplish in the session, I am learning, I am more present in what I am doing and both the client and myself really enjoy the session.  

Planning can feel rigid to me, boxed in, and committed.  I don’t have a problem committing but I prefer the way preparing feels; being present in the moment, freedom, choice, and being ready to say yes, change directions or shift gears.   And maybe that’s why saying yes has opened for me, the lesson to prepare and be ready, be open and prepared to say yes to whatever opportunities come my way because that’s where I usually find my happy, when I just go with the flow and enjoy the ride at my own pace, in my own time, planning less and living more.