Balance

 This past week felt busier to me than recent weeks and left me feeling pretty run down and burnt out.  I tried to keep my routine but I struggled because I was sleeping a lot more.  I couldn’t seem to force myself out of bed in the mornings.  I wasn’t quite sick, just exhausted.  My extra needed sleep required me to sacrifice other aspects of my daily routines.  This always feels like a struggle to me because the structure of the routine keeps me on track.  But this week, fitting everything in was just more than I was able to keep up with in my self induced exhaustion.  On one of my early morning runs, trying to shake off the stress of feeling overwhelmed, I caught myself scolding myself for failing to meet my own high expectations of what I can do in twenty four hours.  On weeks like this that run me into the ground, sometimes the things I want to do, like running and yoga, have to take a back seat to the things I need to do, like work and feeding my family.

 

Balance was lacking for me this week and I began to wonder am I exhausted because I’m busy or am I exhausted because I sacrificed parts of myself that support my ability to be as productive as I usually am?  And what good is scolding myself for having an off week?  What purpose does this off week serve?  As I ran on one of the few mornings I ran this week, I thought, maybe something is better than nothing.  Maybe my body is just giving me feedback that I’m doing too much.  I really began to think about how I can better prioritize my priorities.  Weeks like this maybe I need to do more planning, resting, focus on nutrition, and just work to get back to the routine that usually holds me together.  Maybe I can play with adjusting the routine to better meet the parameters of my too busy life and find my balance again.  

 

I started thinking about balance and the way during yoga classes the instructors will guide us through some challenging poses and always offer options so as a student we can simply meet the challenge we are capable of in that moment on that day.  I had wondered in a recent class if I took advantage of these opportunities to challenge myself and improve or if I avoided them to avoid losing my balance and falling on my face in front of the entire class. When I fall or trip when I’m running, rarely does anyone see and I always catch myself or get right back up.  I decided at the next class I would start trying to take the challenges and risk the humiliation of falling on my face. Maybe that’s it. 

 

Maybe it’s okay to lose my balance and be off sometimes.  Maybe like I have when I lose my balance running, maybe being a little off sometimes is useful.  Afterall, it’s the falls and trips that have taught me and trained me to be better.  Maybe losing balance and working to get it back on the trails, the yoga mat, or in my day-to-day life is all part of becoming something more than I am today.  Maybe this off week and loss of balance in life is just evidence that in the day to day I take on the challenges that risk me losing my balance so I can continue to learn and grow.