Hills

 Happy New Year!

 

I started running again a lot this past year, although not as consistently as I need to or would like to.  I have struggled with changes in my routine and finding a rhythm to life.  The past couple years it has felt like every time I got moving something would switch it up again and I’d fall right off the track I was on.  I changed careers and work from home now, my house was full with all my kids during COVID and then it was just my youngest son and I and then another son moved back in.  Living with adult children is a very different dynamic than living with children.  The expectations on both sides are challenging to navigate. I’m also back in school working on another degree and sometimes work is just very demanding.  Well, the truth is, those are all my excuses.  It’s the hill and obstacle I  built on my path to give myself reasons to not do what I know I need to do. The worst excuse is when I use past accomplishment like running a 50K to tell myself, “I know I can do it.  I don’t need to do it again.”    

 

As I have been running a little more again, I am realizing how much my body, mind, and soul need those miles.  Most mornings, in the first mile of my run, I run up a hill that always makes me consider continuing on the flat road instead of crossing to run up the hill. Which on most of my other runs this past year is exactly what I’d do.  On occasion, I’d dare myself to run as hard as I could up that hill, proving to myself that it was too hard to run up.  From that intersection, the hill looks long and steep.  I tell myself to just take it slow and as I get into the hill it actually does not seem that bad at all, the hardest part is always deciding to accept it’s challenge and start.  I started out by allowing myself to run just to a certain spot, “just get to that fence or get to that tree, “ each day forcing myself a little further up the hill.  Yesterday, I ran the hill in the early morning and it was still pretty dark so I could not see it’s intimidating incline as I approached.  Surprisingly, it didn’t feel bad at all to run the hill in the dark.  I began to think as I kept moving up how this hill was a metaphor for my excuses.  I just needed to start and keep going back.  I did not make myself run faster up the hill….yet.  And I allowed myself the grace to break it up with a little push to go further and further. Instead of being mad at myself for not doing it all at once.   

 

Yesterday, when I reached the top, my heart was racing but I surprised myself with how I was able to do it without looking for my next mark.  I was grateful to that hill for teaching me that sometimes things look hard and challenging but it’s only impossible when you avoid the challenge.  I also learned that sometimes a little darkness can be beneficial to growth.  I knew where the hill was but not seeing it made it less intimidating and easier for me to decide to  run. Maybe in life, too, if I can embrace those pockets of darkness and challenging times that I try to avoid, I’ll continue to grow.   The hill I chose to stop avoiding, taught me I am still growing and made me reflect on the other hard things in life I avoid.  What are the hills in my life that I choose the less challenging path, avoiding my own growth?  

 

This year when I thought about my resolutions, I decided to choose the hills.  The things I will likely need to break up in small segments because right now it seems too challenging to accomplish, but I know if I keep choosing the challenge, I’ll reach those goals and overcome the hills.  As we embrace this new year and our goals to improve ourselves, choose the hills, take it slow, give yourself a little grace on the days you can’t quite do it all, be grateful for the growth the hill gives, and accept the opportunity of the hill as a gift you cannot yet see.  

 

 In the words of one of my favorite writers Kristin Armstrong, “ Thank you for this hill and the strength to climb it.”