Sneakers and Wine

Today, on this last day of 2015, I had a goal I set earlier this year that was still unaccomplished.  I knew when I woke up,  today could not end without meeting this goal I committed to.  I had worked hard but kept falling just short of meeting it.  I started this year unable to complete a legit pull up.  After months of linking 2-3, sometimes 5 on a good day, together, I had set a goal to link 10 together.  Over the past few weeks I’ve come close, hitting 8.  But today, I went in fiercely focused on achieving this goal.  After a long time of staring at the bar and warming up, one of the coaches came up to me, seeing my hesitation,  and said, “Remember being a kid and this was just fun? Just have fun!” And then I did it! Twice! But the best part was the people.  All these people that have fallen into my life this past year, friends who just happened to be there sharing in my excitement because meeting goals just feels good!...

On Thursday morning, I ran a Thanksgiving road race in my town.  It is one of those races I run each year just for the fun and energy it gives to me when I show up.  I love the tradition of starting Thanksgiving morning with a number of my friends and spending five miles worth of strides being thankful.  In all honesty, on this particular course, with it’s gentle inclines and beautiful coastal scenery, it is more difficult to not be thankful.   For this race, I have my own tradition of picking up race bibs for my friends and delivering them the night before the race.  I have been doing it for years and I really enjoy it.  It’s a little thing I do that really seems to be appreciated and being able to help in just a small way, the friends in my life whom have helped me  so much, even new friends, it’s my way of demonstrating my gratitude for the friendships and blessings of my life. In the past five years, Thanksgiving has proved to be a ...

Yesterday I ran one of my favorite 5K races.  It falls on my birthday weekend every year and I’ve found it’s a great way to begin the process of mentally reviewing the progress and growth of the past year.  It’s my baseline, my starting point since I have run this race every year since my divorce.  And I always discover, in some way, that my life again has shifted forward.    I love the way things like birthdays and end of year holidays often cause us to reflect, glance, not stare,  in our rearview to see where we came from while we continue forward.  And today when I glanced in mine, all those ugly, broken, painful,  moments were gone. At least the ugliness of those moments were gone because I realized that every single moment, every challenging hill to climb brought me to where I am right now, making me who I am and without all of it, I would not be who and how I am today.   For years I felt I had been handed a very unfair...

I recently began running regularly again.  By running, I mean those long silent runs with just me.  I had forgotten the peace I find in the miles I run, the sweat equity of moving farther and farther through to wherever I am going.  Recently when I run, I seldom know which way I am going to go until I am there.  I like the idea of just going which ever way feels best in that moment on that day.  On these runs, I'm not running for speed or time or distance.  I'm running for peace of mind, for the centering of my soul.  I was thinking as I was running yesterday of this post I had written about a year ago. How could I not seeing the spectacular and vibrant oranges and reds of the leaves against the cloudless blue sky?   I've decided to repost it because as I re-read what I had written, I feel its significance remains true to today but the stories, the leaves are the stories and leaves from my past year which I must now leave behind.  It's t...

Now that the school year has concluded, my schedule is wide open.  Noticing throughout the year that my body was rebelling against my 7 day/week work schedule, forced me to take a look at taking some time off this summer.  I used to wish for this time and I must admit, it has been challenging to slow down and just relax, but I am getting there and it feels great.   I was sitting at the beach yesterday, waiting for a friend.  I was remembering the days of juggling sand buckets, coolers, snacks, shovels, towels, beach blankets, strollers, and kids moving in ten different directions while trying to lather them up in sandy sun screen.  It would take 3 hours to pack to go to the beach and on a good day we would be there for maybe just as long before out of pure exhaustion of not sitting for a second, I would just begin to pack up.  I remember thinking, “I can’t wait until they’re all big enough to take themselves to the beach.”  Wish granted!...

To My Readers,  People, many of you whom read my posts, will often tell me what I’ve written is inspirational, but please know, while I appreciate that to the deepest part of my heart, I do not write to be inspirational.  I write because the truth is I’m way too shy to say out loud to the world, “Wake up, shut up, stop bitching, look up, and look around!  Life is awesome!”  So I quietly and gently use my written words to do so,until just now.... Most of my life, I’ve been told, I’m a great writer.  It’s never been something I  have thought about much.  I’ve never considered myself to have much skill. I never set out to be a good writer.  It’s always been something I just do.  Every single time I post a new post, I get nervous to share my thoughts, I can hear all the critics in my own mind and need to tell them to be quiet.  In my mind when I click publish I always have this mental image of throwing a paper airplane off a c...

I wrote this excerpt last week on Aidan’s 11th birthday, May 30th, and intended to publish it but posting it felt obligatory and my instincts told me to hold off and wait... so slightly belated and from my heart...... Today is Aidan’s 11th birthday.  It is also the sixth year his birthday has come without him physically being present for it.  I didn’t plan a party with all his friends, I didn’t buy him a new toy, and I didn’t bake a cake.  I also did not go to the cemetery on his birthday because birthdays are to celebrate life and joys and I'm unable to separate that from my sadness when I stand at his grave. It’s just a day now to be thankful for the years I did get to do all those things and remember the joy he gave my life.   I will cry today for a little while because, it just hurts some days more than others.  I will imagine the boy he may have been, disheveled bright blonde hair and a smile that was full of hope and love.  ...

I think May might just be my favorite month of the year.  It is usually jammed solid with activities for the boys as we approach the end of another school year.  But our trees here flower in vibrant pinks, purples, and whites and it is truly spectacular to see the hot pink contrasted against a crystal blue sky.   I love the way Spring pushes through in May, escorting in warmer weather, brighter colors, and hope.  Hope.  Hope may be my second favorite word after serendipity.     I got to thinking the other day about hope and faith and love.  We really are nothing without these three things and all three are available to each and every one of us.  My oldest son has only one more year before he will leave for college, starting his own life.  I’m not really sure where the time has gone but I've been thinking a lot about what I want to send him off in life with.  I don’t have the means to buy him all the things he wi...

I had set out running today because I have had so much on my mind lately, I’ve been completely overwhelmed and feeling extremely discombobulated.  I knew earlier today, as the overwhelming feeling began to take over my day, I absolutely needed to run for as long as my body would allow me to run today and get back in touch with me.  It took a few more miles today for the doubts and insecurities I carry in my life to fade.  But eventually they did and my heart began to reconnect to my soul. As I was running up a hill, my body was tired, the hill seemed steeper than I remembered it from the last time I had run up.  I thought to myself, “I must be getting old,” I was feeling old running up this hill today. Then the most simple and  amazing thing happened which changed my whole run.  A  boy on a bike whom had stayed parked at the top just looking down the hill for quite a few moments, suddenly pushed off from the top of this hill and began p...

Spring has finally arrived.   Finally able to reconnect with a part of my soul in a way only a few miles under my feet can facilitate.   The first thing I notice is I feel great, free. I am realistic, I know it was a long cold winter and I chose not to run through it this year and just wait patiently for the spring to arrive.   I realize on this first run, my body is still getting used to this rhythm again.   It’s a little foreign right now, but I push myself through.   “Keep going, it gets easier.”   And I do, for a little while.      I shorten my first run though with a promise to do more tomorrow. And I do.   This time the rhythm seems to come more easily, I can feel my soul reconnecting as the cobwebs of a very long winter begin to fall off with each stride.   Shaking loose that which I no longer need and moving forward becoming stronger.   Aahhh, there is that rhythm.   Today, I don’t turn to go hom...